My biological father is an alcoholic way back before i was born. My mom couldn't handle his abusive behavior that she left us when i was 6 %26amp; went to another country.My grandma took care of me while my grandfather supported us financially. My dad didn't finish high school %26amp; was more interested in hanging out with his alcoholic friends.He has been jobless ever since %26amp; doesn鈥檛 care about working to earn a living since he was dependent on my grandfather. Since i was a child, i live in guilt, shame, anger %26amp; fear bec. everytime he comes home drunk, he is a loudmouth, angry %26amp; wouldn't care less if the stereo's speakers was blasting so loud late at night in our apartment that neighbors complain about how nuisance we are.I feel so much shame as i hid in my room crying with much hurt %26amp; pain waiting for the nightmare to end. I had low self-esteem.I get so angry at him that in my mind i wanted him to die or I would think of killing myselfThings became more difficult for me when my grandmother had a stroke %26amp; Alzheimer鈥檚 that I could no longer lean on her anymore for comfort.For years, the nightmare brought by my father continued %26amp; so is my darkest moments of despair as I try to focus on my studies while hiding in my room bearing the hurt %26amp; shame.Yes there are normal days when he is sober but when he is drunk %26amp; rowdy again, it seems that the bright %26amp; sunny world I once knew suddenly turn stormy as hell for me.I feel I wanna run away, scream, cry %26amp; shout but nobody listens %26amp; understands. By God鈥檚 grace I was able to finish Business Administration in College.I am 21 now but my dad still has his habit. He tends to quit for a few days or weeks but then he goes back to drinking again esp. when he gets to save money that my well-off aunt gives him allowance daily out of sympathy.My aunt takes care of the utilities since my grandmother, their mother, lives together with us in the apartment. I took the graveyard shift cashier job in an Internet caf茅 that my aunt owns as a way of escape %26amp; avoid experiencing the trauma to avoid my father鈥檚 drunkenness as much as possible. But fate seems to be playing at me bec. my dad sometimes is drunk early in the morning or in the afternoon %26amp; it leaves me so bitter %26amp; angry again towards him, others around me %26amp; myself. I get so angry again that I swear %26amp; cursed my own father. As a Christian, this really saddens me %26amp; is so hard for me to try to live a life without anger %26amp; hate when life itself forces me to do so. I feel so alone %26amp; dejected. I never have a boyfriend maybe bec. I don鈥檛 seem to trust men or have not found yet found someone who would be serious %26amp; accept my family鈥檚 situation. I still pray that one day my dad would finally finally quit drinking %26amp; be a real father to me. In our Asian country, I don鈥檛 know yet if we have support groups like Al-Anon. Right now, I am dying to settle a normal life for awhile but I am still anxious at the moment bec. I still can鈥檛 find a decent job once I quit the cashier job. And if I get a new daytime job, I dreaded the thought if I have to live again the nightmare when my dad gets hooked to drinking again in the evenings. I am so sick %26amp; tired of living this way.In our culture is really different bec. children are still responsible for their parents even when they are beyond 18 years of age. But now I plan to rent a place of my own so I could have a peaceful place to run to when I come home and find him drunk again. I think I couldn鈥檛 bear any longer like before. I had enough of the trauma since I was a kid. Am I being selfish if I will start to live on my own and try hard to escape from home when he gets drunk? But my grandmother is still living in our apartment and I don鈥檛 want to leave her when I know she has short time left with us. But I am really affected by my dad鈥檚 alcoholism. I tried to advise him but the advise just feel on deaf ears. I must admit we don鈥檛 talk so much at all and I am not open to him bec. it鈥檚 hard to establish a close relationship with him bec. he tends to easily misinterpret and get angry at things bec. a dominant person he is. I am anxious also since I will be the one to take care of my father鈥檚 allowance bec. my aunt made a deal that she will quit giving help to my dad if I quit working at the caf茅.That would mean it will be hard to save or there won鈥檛 enough left for me to save and being financially stable on my own feels completely out of reach for me. Please I need some advise ,I am really confuse.
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
So sorry you are suffering so much. I can completely identify with your situation, as I was there too with an alcoholic father.
You must try as hard as you can to detach from him and his behavior, and focus on your own life. You have no control over what he does, but you do have control over your own life. It is possible to be happy and fulfilled, despite all the sorrow and strife caused by his alcoholism.
If you can't find Al-Anon meetings in your area, I would urge you to participate online: http://www.ola-is.org/olais/chat.htm
It's very important to find help and support through Al-Anon, so you don't feel so alone.
Good luck, and God bless.
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
Its really hard for me to one parent drinks and the other one does drugs. I'm sry I'm still a little lost in my own life I'm sry I can't be that much of a help to you. But you'll make out we all will.
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
A good source of help would be a pastor or minister. Seek one out and talk with them. You will be glad you did.
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
You need some help with this situation. Your Dad has an illness. He is sick. I'm sure he didn't choose this life he's made for himself. You must look at this as a disease. It truly is. Physically and Mentally. But you can't let him ruin your life either. I don't know what Country you are in, but I know Alcoholism lives everywhere. I am sure there are support groups for you there. You need to be around other people that are in your situation. Maybe a shoulder to lean on once in while. Take care of yourself first, stay strong. Only then can you be of use to another.
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
Culture or not, you deserve a peaceful life and if that means separating yourself from this man so be it!! You may want to seek therapy as well and do your best to find some AA meetings to attend. People in your situation will be your best supporters. You can do this and good luck!
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
i know u luv father grl this his sad 4 real .... am glad am not in tha situation with my father cause his hard u luv him right but did he luv u enough to go and get some help no he don't wha he his doing to u and to him self his wrong totally wrong But try tha if he can start being clean/ rehab......for u cause u deserve a clean father after all this years he won u tha much so even if u have 2 beg him try 2 push 2 get clean if he refuse ...... he do not luv u.... at least not this time now ...cause he luv his beer much.... but boshit .....so grl good grl i hope he come around and see how this his affecting u/hurting u.....I know his hard ur own father... wha ever make u happy do it cause u father his just broking ur heart again and again.... .....let me know....../good luck
How am i gonna live a good %26amp; normal life when you have an alcoholic father?
My dad is a alcoholic also.Im 37 and my life is OK and my DAD is apart of it.You use what you have learnd from your dad so you dont make the same mistakes.
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